What it means to perform.
“There’s something we’d like to discuss.”
Lydie and Louise came to visit our room and asked that just before we were about to tuck in. The four of us had already taken our baths and changed into our pajamas, so we were in our beds chatting.
“Good evening, you two, please come in.”
“Thank you.”
“Sorry for interrupting…”
“L-Lily will prepare us some tea!”
After we invited them in, the two of them seemed tense as they moved to sit the cushions we directed them to. As they settled in, Lily-sama personally prepared tea.
“So? What did you want to talk about?”
“… It’s about the play.”
“We’re just feeling a little… stuck.”
I urged them on, and Lydie was the one to continue.
“Simone and the rest of you are also aware that Louise and I will be playing lovers in the next play, right?”
“Mhm.”
“W-We looked at the s-script. L-Lily thinks that it’ll be a wonderful play.”
“Thank you. The writer would be pleased to hear that. But right now, neither Louise nor I feel that we’re doing that wonderful script justice.”
Lydie let out a heavy sigh and Louise appeared anxious with her eyes fixed on Lydie.
“Alea, Mei, how is our acting from your perspectives?”
“Hm, how, you ask…? I think both of you are doing wonderfully.”
“… To our untrained eyes, you look perfect.”
When we gave our honest thoughts, Lydie returned a strained smile before rephrasing.
“Could you be more specific? When you see the shorter man―Auguste―what sort of man do you see?”
That question was a lot more specific.
“Well… For better or for worse, he’s very decisive.”
“… Yup. For better, he’s proactive, for worse, he’s impulsive.”
When we gave our opinions, both Lydie and Louise furrowed their brows. Oh?
“Then, what about the maiden I play―Henriette?”
“She feels like an honest maiden, devoted to her faith.”
“… It feels like she values her faith more than her love.”
And again, the two of them had pained expressions. Just what was…?”
“So that was how we came off…”
“It seems so…”
“Is something the matter? Is that somehow problematic?”
“Hugely problematic. That means that our performance doesn’t at all capture the themes and motifs of the script!”
“What…?”
In response to Lydie’s anguish, Lily-sama expressed surprise.
“Hey, could you explain it so that even amateurs like us can understand?”
“Ah, sorry. I’ll start from the beginning. Our play this time, ‘The Scales of Amour’ is actually meant to be themed around being lost.”
“Being lost?”
“That’s right. The two men lost in their love for the maiden. The maiden, lost swaying back and forth between her faith and her love―those two things are meant to be the play’s centerpiece.”
Lydie clarified that, for better or for worse, their performance lacked that hesitation.
“My character, Auguste, is struggling with a complex over his looks. While he has no doubts over his feelings for the maiden, he doesn’t have the confidence to believe that he deserves her.”
Now that she mentioned it, despite that being the role she was meant to play, Lydie’s act as the shorter man overflowed with confidence.
“It’s the same for my performance as Henriette. She’s meant to struggle more between the choice to uphold her faith or pursue her love. She has to. But because my parents are devout believers in the Spirit Faith, my performance also leans toward that.”
To truly capture the character, she wanted to lean more into the character’s desire for love.
“That’s why we thought we’d like to ask for your advice if you had any.”
“But why us? When it comes to performing, we’re still complete amateurs.”
“… It’d make more sense to ask the other members of the club.”
“We actually already have… It’s true that they have experience in acting, and because of that were able to give practical advice, but…”
“Right now, more than that, we need something more fundamental… Like, finding the right heartset.”
The right heartset―those words somehow tugged at my heartstrings.
“The right heartset, huh… That seems rather difficult.”
“… Mei doesn’t quite get it either.”
“Our performance is in just three days. It may be rude to say it this way, but we’re grasping at straws. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated, but if you can think of something, we’d love to hear it!”
“Yes, please! We’re begging you.”
With that, the two of them stood up and bowed deeply.
“Please, you don’t have to bow like that.”
“Mei and everyone here, we’re already all in this together, aren’t we?”
“I don’t really know if I can really help at all, but I’ll do what I can.”
“L-Lily will try too…!”
When we all agreed to help, Lydie and Louise seemed relieved as they finally smiled.
“That said, this isn’t going to be easy…”
“I mean the characters are meant to feel like they’re lost, right? What if Lydie and Louise just show less confidence?”
“… Showing that the character feels lost and showing that the actor lacks confidence in their act are different.”
“T-That does seem to be the trouble…”
As we continued to discuss the problem, I was again forced to face the problem I myself had been struggling with over the past little bit.
(I… Don’t think I’ll really be able to contribute here.)
Hesitation, feeling lost, those too are their own kind of weakness. As I had talked about with Simone, I haven’t been able to truly understand those sorts of things.
(If you’re feeling lost… Isn’t it best to just shrug it off and plow through? Even just the fact that those kinds of feelings are the motif of the play makes no sense to me.)
Hesitation… Weakness… Aren’t those things flaws that one should aim to conquer? To exalt that as the motif of the play, and beyond that, the fact that many people will come in order to see that play… Just how was I meant to come to terms with that?
“C-Could Lily ask you two a simple question?”
As such thoughts swirled around in my head, Lily-sama raised her hand to get Lydie and Louise’s attention.
“Sure, ask anything.”
“T-Thank you… Putting your roles aside for now, have the two of you ever felt lost about something? L-Like about your l-looks or your faith, or anything really.”
“Hm…”
“I wonder…”
After Lily-sama posed her question, the two of them took some time to think.
“Ah, come to think of it, we’re currently at a loss right here and now.”
“Oh… That’s true.”
“A-And so, you mean to say…?”
Lily-sama looked at Lydie and Louise, seeking clarification. The two of them exchanged glances and offered a strained smile before answering.
“Toward acting in and of itself.”
“That’s right, no matter how much experience we’ve gained, we’re always at a loss.”
I didn’t quite understand. The two of them didn’t seem to feel ashamed about that, but to me, it looked as though they were enjoying it. To me, who had only ever seen weakness as a flaw that needed to be overcome, their feelings weren’t something that I could comprehend.
“T-That makes sense. What if you took the heartset you hold toward t-, the field of acting itself, and try to apply that to your act.”
In response to Lily-sama’s timid suggestion, Lydie and Louise were both surprised. It seemed as though Lily-sama had pointed out something of a blindspot. The two of them faced downward and seemed to be deep in thought. The silence continued for a little, but the two then raised their heads to again face us.
“… I’m not sure, I’m still not sure but…”
“Yeah, I definitely think it’s something that we should try.”
And that was what they said. The two of them were smiling really happily, as though they had been able to find something that they had lost a long time ago.
“Thank you, Lily-sama. Somehow I’m starting to think that we’ll be okay.”
“Yes, like we’ve finally managed to break through a wall.”
“Nice going, Lily!”
“… An achievement.”
“L-Lily is just glad that she was able to help.”
Before I was able to help them in any way at all, it appeared they had already found their solution. Perhaps having noticed how I felt, Lydie took my hand and said,
“Thanks to you too, Alea, for discussing this with us.”
She then gave me a bright smile. Her expression now was visibly a lot lighter than before.
“No, I really didn’t do much…”
“That’s not true, just the fact that you listened to what we had to say was a huge help. Thank you.”
Even Louise went out of her way to say that. I couldn’t help but feel that I had done something bad, leaving me feeling uncomfortable.
“I feel like I’ll be able to tackle tomorrow’s practice with a fresh attitude. Alea, Mei, let’s give it our all until the end.”
“Alright, we should be going.”
Bidding us good night, Lydie and Louise left for their rooms.
“Ah, it really is quite late. Alright, we should get to bed too.”
“The tea set… I guess we can take care of that tomorrow morning.”
“… Sleepy.”
We brushed for the second time that night, leaving everything else for tomorrow. We then put out the lights and fell on beds. It didn’t take long for the others to fall asleep, I could hear the change in their breathing. But I, unfortunately, had difficulties falling asleep that night.
◆◇◆◇◆
“Ah, Lily was right, you were here after all.”
As I stood alone swinging a wooden sword in the academy’s courtyard, a voice suddenly called out to me.
“… Lily-sama.”
“When Lily woke up to go to the restroom, Lily didn’t see you, so she thought…”
Having correctly guessed my whereabouts, Lily-sama gave me a water bottle. It seemed that she had even used her magic to chill the water for me. As I downed the contents of the bottle in large gulps, it worked to cool me from within.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
“Yeah…”
“Is something troubling you?”
“… Not really.”
With that, I returned the bottle to Lily-sama and returned to my swings.
“Is it about the play?”
“… Sort of, but not really, I guess.”
In order to banish all the pointless thoughts coiled around in my head, I continued swinging. Unfortunately, the thoughts didn’t show any sign of going away.
“Uhm, you know, Alea-chan, Lily thinks that you’re fine the way you are.”
Those words were enough to bring my swings to a halt.
“… Was it Simone?”
“Please don’t blame her. Simone-chan was just worried about you.”
“Good grief…”
It appeared that Simone had told Lily-sama about the conversation we shared the other day. You could say that she was quite the busy body, but I felt that I had found a good friend.
“If the motif for this play is feeling lost, I am unfit to be part of its cast.”
“Do you really think that? Lily personally disagrees.”
“Why?”
“Alea-chan, couldn’t you say that you yourself feel lost dealing with these worries of your own?”
That was a perspective that I had been unable to take. Feeling unable to interpret weakness in the same ways as others… And wanting to overcome that flaw of mine―it was certainly true that my current situation could be interpreted as feeling lost.
“But I don’t see this as anything more than a flaw that I need to overcome.”
“And just what is wrong about that? This is just what Lily thinks, but until you truly are able to overcome it, these worries will probably be with you for a while.”
And, during that time, I’m welcome to be as lost as I need to be, was what Lily-sama seemed to want to convey.
“… Is that, really, something I can do?”
My question was both directed toward acting in the play, as well as understanding weakness.
“Let’s try and see.”
Lily-sama set the bottle down on the ground before creating some distance and turning back to face me.
“Oh, my beloved, I love you so, but as sisters we mustn’t!”
That line just now was from the play. One of the lines of the little sister―Sophia―the character Mei was to play.
“Lily-sama, that’s… A line from the script?”
“Yes, Lily is just a little confident in her memory. Alright now, Alea-chan, you’re up.”
Perhaps because it was late at night, Lily-sama seemed a bit more playful than usual as she urged me. I felt hesitant at first, but I knew in my heart that this would be a good opportunity. I went on to say the next line, the line of my character―Joséphine.
“But why? Why must you say that, when we already possess a bond deeper than that of lovers!”
“It runs too deep! Dear sister, this abyss, is surely one that will take us all the way to hell.”
“Even then! If it’s with you, I will plunge down to any depths!”
At first, it was gradual, but I felt myself getting into things. And then, before I knew it, I had immersed myself into the world of the play. Lily-sama and I continued practicing until dawn.
Our time together that night was so much fun. I mean, I got to pretend to be lovers with my crush. There was no way that it wouldn’t have been fun.
But that’s exactly why… I didn’t notice.
… The fact that there were two pairs of eyes watching over us that whole time.
Translator Note: Lily practising (a role in the play) being lovers with Alea!
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